You know that saying - 'my word is my honour' ?
I've been thinking about this for a while now. I'm not going to lie, sometimes it's hard for me to stick to my word. I throw words around everywhere - "Yeah def, we'll meet up!", "I'll call you tonight", "I will get that done in the next 2 days, for sure".
But then I don't deliver. So I'm going to use Sakichi Toyoda's 5 Whys technique to get the root cause (I love this technique: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5_Whys)
Why dont I deliver?
Maybe I get excited and overpromise.
Why do I overpromise?
Because I want to make other people momentarily happy. I'm trying to please them, and tell them what they want to hear.
Why do I want to please other people?
Yikes. Um.
Because it matters to me that other people approve of me.
Why?
....
Because a part of me doesn't approve of me. BANG. Root-cause.
Great, so it all comes down to self-approval and self-love again. I wonder if everything in the world comes down to that?
So why should keeping to my word matter anyway?
Maybe when someone says something, and they actually do it, it makes you double-take for a moment and go: "Damn. There are still some decent people left in the world". Maybe it builds faith and trust in the community. Some of our oldest civilisations operated on trust - maybe it all began with everyone keeping to their word?
TRUST
Maybe when one person sticks to her word, the world changes just a little bit?
So that's my new project. I've created a note on my Android called the 'Word Bank', and the moment I say something like: "We should totally meet up", or "I'll let you know how that goes", BAM! It goes in the Word Bank. And everytime I check my phone, that Note is there, reminding me of a debt I owe to keep my word.
It's been a bit challenging, because I do get excited and mushy and overpromise, but I'm biting my tongue and thinking twice before I commit to anything.
I've been doing this for the last few days now, and it is making a subtle difference. I feel more reliable, I feel like I am living up to my own expectations of my self. But more importantly, I feel like I'm taking a big step towards becoming the person I have always wanted to be. I wonder what sort of impact it will have on my relationships?
So what do you think? How important is it that each of us sticks to our word?
Til next time,
Peace and Love!
A.
loving the blog A... very candid and entertaining! i quite like the 'why' technique.. you're right, its quite an effective way of uncovering those weird embedded insecurities! anyway, keep writing!
ReplyDeleteThanks Neeraj! Will do, this is way too much fun to stop!
ReplyDeleteAnother great post!!
ReplyDeleteI love the real use of the 5 whys to find what troubles you without you knowing sometimes.
Too many people, including myself, talk and talk and talk but never always getting up to walk. After a while when you have talked and talked everyone else but you has gotten up to walk, so where does that leave you? :)
One thing I want to add is this, commitments and promises can be decommit'ed to as well. This is critical to understand because sometimes we may overcommit, not just to people but ourselves, sometimes unintentionally. We then have two choices
1) keep the commitment and not fulfill it because we are overwhelmed leading to guilt within ourselves that leads onto beating yourself up for it.
2) assess the importance of your commitment, then decommit from the original commitment and if it is important enough recommit to it with new timeframes.
We are only human and prone to falling over sometimes, it is about how long you want to keep beating yourself into the ground to finally, one day, give yourself a hand to get up.
Which best friend do you want to be for yourself?
That is a really good point Richard, wow. Thank you :)
ReplyDelete"Why do I want to please other people?
ReplyDelete...
Because it matters to me that other people approve of me.
Why?
...
Because a part of me doesn't approve of me."
I don't know if I'd come to that conclusion.
From childhood we're brought up in a way that we're always seeking approval from our parents (did I do the right thing?). We then seek approval from friends and teachers etc. In a normal family, that's what we're trained to do.
And I think that's what might be happening when you agree to things without thinking about it. It's always been in your nature.
But now you just have to be aware that you have a choice. Accept or reject. And as Richard says, if you accept, at a later time if it's no longer in your interest, you can reject.
It's hard to understand right now, but our time is limited. Our lives should be filled with the things most meaningful to us.
Hi Ronal - thanks for the comment! It really made me think hard, and I understand what you're saying as well. I think it will take me some time to strike that fine balance - that is, in the process of sticking to my word, for instance, am I doing things that I dont really enjoy?
DeleteAlso, I agree that we are brought up to seek others' approval, but in my head that is because we are brought to think that we are not enough for us, if that makes sense. The first example that comes to my mind, is relationships - our society tells us from the beginning that if we're single or not 'popular' enough, there's something wrong with us. Or consumerism - without this object, you won't be happy. In my head, if we fully approve and love ourself, we wont 'need' external things, we wont 'need' to seek approval from others, etc. Its interesting, but a lot of my 'Whys' always come back to that point about self-love - for me, I feel like that is the answer to a lot of our (and the world's) problems.
Wow this is amazing!! Thanks A, it is my first day reading ur blog... i thot i'd start from d oldest to d newest... and ur posts are all super inspiring!! Thank you! :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you! Really happy you liked them :)
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