I hope you've been having an amazing day!
I thought I would write about one of my favourite topics today - FEAR.
It's nice to stop once in a while, and turn back, to see how far you've come. On the eve of the 31st of December 2010, I made a New Year's Resolution that changed me forever. I pulled out a paper and a thick pen and wrote-
I WANT TO BE FEARLESS.
That's all I did. I didn't write down how I was going to do it, because I didn't know. But I trusted that it would come to me.
Leading up to that day, I was beginning to realise how much of my Life I spent in fear. Look, I'm not saying fear is a bad thing. Rational fear is a natural bodily mechanism - you know, the voice that says, "please dont take that step off the ledge, it would hurt."
But the problem is, it's not just rational fear that fills our heads. There's the evil twin, irrational fear, in there as well. And over time, I think we forget to distinguish between the two.
In my case, irrational fear was ruling me, and my Life. I'm talking things like:
"I'm too scared to check my email for fear of what sort of emails may come through"
"I'm too scared to pick up the phone and call this person, because I don't know what will happen"
All the way up to:
"I'm too scared to go to this event alone, so I won't go at all, even though I really want to"
"I'm too scared to say yes to this opportunity, so I will let it go"
.....
And finally:
"I'm too scared to live my life the way I want, so I won't"
I think a lot of us have this issue.
It could be the way we were brought up. We live in a fear-mongering society. Just watch the evening news, and you'll want to curl up into a ball and never leave the house again.
Add to this being a girl and being told by the world from day 1 that people are out to get you, and I'm not surprised I was living in a cocoon of 'fear-paralysis'.
So what happened after I wrote down those 5 words, and stuck them to my wall?
I just started saying YES.
In early 2011, an opportunity came up at work for me to in-charge a project interstate. I was so. freaking. scared. My insides felt like glug, my chest went ice-cold. And my mind was whirring a million miles a minute:
"I can't do this. I can't do this. I need to find a way to get out of it. Now. Make up an excuse. Try to get out of it. Pleeeease".
Squirm. Discomfort. Panic. FEAR.
So you know what I did? I said Yes.
Right up until we went to the airport, my mind felt like it would implode with fear and my chest had that tight, cold feeling. But the moment I stepped off the plane, and the project started, I faced it, and I got through it.
Yeah, I made lots of mistakes. But that feeling, of saying "@#$% you" to your Fear, and just getting in there and getting the job done? It was the BEST feeling ever.
And that's exactly what I did, the whole year. I just said Yes - whenever I knew it was my irrational fear talking, I said, "thanks for your input, I'm going to go and do exactly the opposite now."
2 years later, I'm almost speechless at how much one word can change you. How much power I have within myself to rise to challenges, to face fears head on, to lead in difficult situations. And each time I have faced my fear, I have learnt to approve of myself just that little bit more.
Has weird crap happened as a result of my stepping outside of my comfort zone? For sure. From being hit on by various seedy (old) men, to almost joining the Scientology cult (by mistake) in New York, to having a taxi-driver take my money from my wallet in Hanoi and falling overboard in Ha Long Bay Vietnam, to making epic mistakes and berating myself about them endlessly, and just generally making a fool of myself.
Do I regret it? No way.
I can't stress enough how much this has changed me. Yes, it's a lot easier to say 'safe' in your comfort zone, but the rewards on the other side are truly awesome.
So now I guess I'm a risk-taker. And that actually scares me at bit.
Finding the balance between what is a rational vs irrational fear? That's something I'm still learning.
But start the process, and start it today - take a risk, a measured one, but one that makes you step outside that comfort zone, and observe how it makes you feel. Then let me know what happens :)
Til' next time,
Peace & Love!
A.
AWESOME
ReplyDeleteseriously loving this blog amritha!
hey just for your own reference, there's a book called Opening the door of your heart - Ajahn Brahm, which seems to be something you might like. :)
Sandypants thank you!!
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad you like it :)
That book sounds amazing, I'll look into it for sure.
<3